Hi! I’m Mitch, and I have a puffy, chipmunk face. I’m trying to get the budget deal done, but boy is it hard. That sumbitch Bam keeps gettin in our way, see? Anyway, I hope I find enough nuts to keep my jowls all puffed out like they’s in this photo, see? I’m the minority leader — that means I don’t run things in the Senate — but hay. Hay! That’s a big deal to be minority leader. I’s born in Alabama, ya’ll. Go Bama. Go Bam! Wait, not Bam. Here’s my Web site, everybody. Go for it. http://mcconnell.senate.gov/public/ Do you believe in America, people? I do. I think we’re wonderful. But if only I weren’t born in America with this goofy fucking face. Jesus, am I an embarrassment, or? Wow. Wait, my jowls is fillin with mo’ nuts. Chock full o’ nuts! Hailp, please, hailp.